Hm. Where do I start.
CUT THEM OFF! Well. I mean…I guess you had some fun times. And they used to be there for you. Used to.
There are many reasons to end a relationship. Once someone transitions from acquaintance to friend they should be there to support and add joy to your life. Personally, if I wouldn’t accept their behaviour from someone I was dating, I won’t put up with it from a supposed friend, or frenemy if you will.
I’ve had to break up with a couple frenemies along the way. Sometimes I just let the “friendship” drift away, sometimes I confront it. With any breakup, it is directly related to the length and intensity of the relationship.
Obviously first step is to approach them. Be diplomatic, don’t point fingers, focus on how you feel – not what they said/did. Have a couple solid examples if they press. And with any approach, which could be construed as an attack or fight, let some time pass and assess their actions. If it comes time for a breakup then so be it.
How to have a civilized breakup is a whole other topic…Stay tuned!
Examples of frenemy behaviour:
- They’re always competing with you, even on little things like “who has a tougher day”. May not seem like a big deal, but why should you be second to them? Little things turn to big things.
- They make passive aggressive comments. A true friend will be aggressive with you when needed, and if they are a good friend: they are doing it for your own good.
- They’re under cover jealous. A friend will say outright “I like your dress, where did you get it? Recently? I’m going to go buy it. That cool?” (A best friend will put it on and let you know they’re borrowing it). A frenemy will say “Oh you have that dress too?” then run out and buy it and pretend like you were copying them. Jealously = Envy. Envy is a sin. Actually. You DO NOT need that in your life.*
- They outright lie to you.
- They do things to purposely hold you back in life, work, relationships, etc.
*Actual story: While getting ready with a former frenemy before a night out I couldn’t decide what jacket to wear. Either the light pink cropped leather bomber or the dark brown leather bomber. (I decided on the light pink.) And my Frenemy stated “I wish I had the option between practically the same jacket.” First of all they are two totally different jackets. 2. She wasn’t helping me decide, just rolling her eyes. 3. Sorry I am not sorry about my White Girl Problems. When we got to the party all she did was state how “ugly” she is and how she didn’t want to be there. THEN LEAVE: is what I wanted to say. I was having fun and we weren’t going home together anyways. She stayed in a dark corner grimacing all night in my direction. Creepy. We broke up shortly after.
Don’t know what a Frenemy is?
frenemy: by tweetybird1 May 25, 2006
“The type of “friend” whose words or actions bring you down.(whether you realize it as intentional or not) The type of friend you ought to cut off but don’t cuz…they’re nice… good …you’ve had good times with them. U know…they’re good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future.The friend you may or may not have cornered about their quicksand like ways and keep around because “its in the past”…and so was one minute ago. The person that will continue to bring you down until you demand better for yourself”
“Frenemies.” Sex And The City. HBO. 1 Oct. 2000. Television.
Please post your own Frenemy stories and how you’ve dealt with them.